Carrying Inner Disquiet
Milestone 1 of 10
Welcome to my exploration of The Creativity Quest, a journey through the ten stages of creativity inspired by the experiences of artists and creators. This model, developed through my insights as an editor, creativity coach, and writer, breaks down the creative process into milestones, reflecting both the universal and unique aspects of creativity. Each stage, from inner struggles to manifesting mastery, offers a deep dive into the facets of our creative development.
To explore all related topics, please visit the Directory to discover how these stages resonate with your journey. Join me as I unravel the complexities and joys of creativity, one milestone at a time.
Carrying Inner Disquiet
Although it is impossible to identify a precise starting point for anyone’s creative journey—unless we default to birth—the point that feels like a beginning to me is when there is deep desire to create but the action that turns the longing into reality has not yet begun or has stalled. I call this point in The Creativity Quest “Carrying Inner Disquiet.”
This is an introspective time when the creator is not creating, despite a yearning to do so. Restlessness and unease come because we feel we should be doing what our heart and our soul are longing for (writing, dancing, painting, etc.) but instead, we ignore or deny it.
Additional friction is created when the depth of the yearning is not fully perceived, or if it is noticed, it is simply disregarded. Either way, there is some recognition—which could take the form of conscious acknowledgment, or it might be, at first, subconscious, i.e., a feeling—that something is drastically off-kilter. And indeed there is: an unfortunate and uncomfortable misalignment between the longing to create and the actions being taken.
In the general chaos of life, the unexpected and sneaky sources of the disquiet can be hard to discern. Some will try to pigeonhole or characterize it as simply creative block or writer’s block. While those have a place under the definition of this milestone, Carrying Inner Disquiet and creative block are not the same.
Most of us can agree that writer’s or creative block usually is caused by a belief in some ‘story’ (i.e., lie) our negative inner voice is telling us, which certainly can hold us back from creating even when we want to, and thus, can be one source of Carrying Inner Disquiet. But the “not creating” aspect of this stage can be attributed to other sources, too, some beyond our control, such as a disability or a cognitive condition. The Disquiet also can come from external sources, such as an 80-hour-a-week job that leaves you fully depleted. Yet, still, you hold creative desire.
Another genesis point or trigger for Inner Disquiet can be a lack of resources or skills. How many projects have you been ga-ga about at the outset, and then you discovered you didn’t have the right research tools at your disposal, or you needed to learn something new first, or something else outside your control stood in your way? Hitting those kinds of roadblocks is frustrating and can stall us. Many things go into writing besides the literal writing, so it’s important to note that Disquiet can stem from those, too.
It’s worth repeating that the primary characteristic of this milestone is the disconnect between desire and action, regardless of the reason. The deep longing, the yearning to create, is there, and yet you are not creating.
Obviously, the feeling of Carrying Inner Disquiet can apply to your creative life as a whole. And, if you are the kind of creative who works in multiple disciplines/genres or has many projects going at once, it can also describe the stage you are in for a single project while you’re happily working on others. That screenplay you want to finish for the local theatre troupe might be moving along smoothly for you, but your momentum on the short story collection you started last year has come to a dead stop. Or you can easily fill a canvas with watercolor but cannot put fingers to keyboard for your half-finished epic fantasy novel. And you may not have a conscious clue why.
It is a disturbing possibility that we could get stuck in this stage of Carrying Inner Disquiet for a very, very, very long time (***she side-eyes self***). Additionally, because the contributors to Carrying Inner Disquiet are so wide-sweeping and illusory, a return to this milestone can happen at any time during the creative journey. When our compass goes berserk and a setback occurs, it is this milestone, more than any other, that we are most likely to revisit and relive. Each time that happens—and it will happen—we are reminded of the non-sequential nature of this quest.
Carrying Inner Disquiet is unquestionably uncomfortable. It can feel like frustration, emptiness, even burnout or fear. But it can also be a motivator into action. As author Melody A Scout described in an episode of Around the Writer’s Table, this stage is often a signal to her that she needs to experience a spiritual growth. That path, too, may hold some discomfort of its own, but it is necessary work that ultimately propels us forward.
When we create, particularly when we write, we confront our own truest, deepest thoughts and feelings, which many of us willingly avoid. Confronting them is a part of the spiritual growth Melody refers to, and this resonated with my intern Marlee Head, also a writer. She says,
“Moving through any kind of change or acknowledgment can be painful, so part of the Disquiet stems from wanting to avoid that confrontation until you simply can’t anymore. But it is also a necessary stage; you need to sit with those feelings in order to be ready to face them and create something meaningful from them. I love the term ‘percolation’ for this as well. You have to let the Disquiet bubble and seep through before you can release it in the next stage.”
About her personal experience of Carrying Inner Disquiet, Marlee adds,
“For me, the Inner Disquiet tends to arise when there’s something I’m trying to work through, but I don’t quite yet know how to translate it into words. Sometimes I’m not even aware that something affected me enough to warrant a piece of writing, but then that itchy feeling . . . keeps invading. (Itchy is such a good word for it, too! It is fitting that Inner Disquiet is technically the first stage because it is so bodily and, well, internal.)”
Carrying Inner Disquiet is, as Marlee noted, an internal process. It is one of five stages in The Creativity Quest that primarily requires inner work. Since, as I previously cautioned, we are likely to revisit this milestone more often than any other, it is vital to have a deep understanding this stage. Next time, we’ll look closer at a few of the causes of Inner Disquiet and identify resources to help us navigate through and continue our creative journey to the next milestone.
Thank you for joining me on this part of The Creativity Quest. As I explore the various stages of the creative journey, your individual perspectives and experiences add incredible depth to this adventure. I’d love to hear your thoughts and personal stories related to today’s topic. Your feedback is not just enlightening; it helps build a community where we can all learn and grow together. Feel free to leave your comments below, or reach out to me directly. Your involvement is deeply valued, and I’m excited to continue this journey with you.
Special thanks to Marlee Head, who interned with me in her Fall 2023 semester at Florida State University. Also, a high-five to my podcast co-hosts Melody A Scout and
. Our discussions and the insights from all three of these women about this stage in their unique Creativity Quests were valuable contributions to this essay.To learn more about this milestone, check out episode 19 of the Around the Writer’s Table podcast. All essays and articles in this series thus far are available in the Directory.