The universe has been repeatedly sending me messages that I've been ignoring. Look up Joan Didion's writing. She has recently appeared everywhere for me, and this is yet again another call to action by the universe. Thanks to this article, I will finally take care of this matter. I got the message, thanks!
Oh, Gina, it’s nice to find another writer who has Joan Didion on her shoulder :-) I like this post because it is so Didion-like in its self-exploration of the cognitive dissonance, especially regarding the fear of letting someone down or of being judged. I think it’s possible to make a commitment to writing without forcing yourself to produce in factory-like fashion. I try to write every day, but I don’t publish stuff on Substack or anywhere else that consistently. I distinguish between private writing practice and what I make public, and I bridle at advice to writers, bloggers et al. that you have to publish consistently to build an audience.
Maybe yes, and maybe no - but that kind of external constraint focuses me, the writer, on what other people want rather than my own goals. What now works for me is slowing down to work through my goals as a writer while still chipping away a little bit on my own most days. Internal consistency may not be possible, but getting myself to tap the mess regularly is what animates me and my writing.
"What now works for me is slowing down to work through my goals as a writer while still chipping away a little bit on my own most days.... getting myself to tap the mess regularly is what animates me and my writing." YEEESSSSS!!! I'm settling on the reality that there's no other way for me to do it and still maintain my joy and satisfaction in the process. It isn't always about an end-goal, and I'm learning that "factory-like" production (I love your term) never works for me either. There's history; all I have to do it look back and see that when I focus on it too much, too often, it can shut me down completely. It's a stranglehold on my creativity.
I think I learned this the hard way, too. There's definite history with all my failed attempts to have a regular writing routine (add to that a regular time to go to bed every night, etc., etc.). The irony is that my professional life is very disciplined, as a writer and editor who makes deadlines, and maybe you've had the same experience, Gina. I don't mind deadlines, but it's taken me awhile to trust the messy process that does bring me joy with the writing I'm most interested in doing now.
For 2024 I want to reread Slouching Towards Bethlehem by Didion. Every year I reread her. Her books don’t change, but I reread them for the same reason people notch their height growing up. Every year I’m a little different, hopefully for the better.
I've had several discussions recently about re-reading certain works that have impacted us and the ways the impact may change with each reading... because WE are different each time we pick them up. And, as you say, hopefully different for the better. I can't get enough of Didion's work. Her words interlace in ways that never cease to astound me.
This is such a relatable read🥹. I struggle almost every time with consistency but it feels different all the time. Some months I’m struggling to post on a particular day at a particular time then I adjust it to just making sure I write something that week. On weeks with high energy I can be a bit more strict with myself and clearing out my space to write more but days where my energy is so low and the days are just too hectic I can’t afford to be my own critic you know? Though sometimes when I tell myself to take it easy there’s this nagging voice that makes it seem like I’m being complacent and what not. It’s a real struggle Gina and I appreciate you for showing us that too. I guess it gets better with time and plus I think there’s a lot of evidence that we’re more consistent than we think we are considering I’ve been posting weekly and you literally posted your work for 30 days straight! I feel we tend to look for a very specific kind of consistency sometimes and forget the evidence we that we have done it before and differently and your consistency today may not be the same as it should be tomorrow.
Thank you for chiming in, Janoma. It is tricky indeed. When you add in cultural expectations about being "productive" + our inclination to compare ourselves to others and some future "ideal" image of ourselves + tendencies to beat ourselves up (for sooooo many things), it gets very messy too. Giving ourselves compassion and grace at all times is critical.
I tend to be a really consistent writer although that ebbs and flows over time with energy, other commitments, health, etc. I try to be gentle with myself when the work isn't coming, which gets easier with time but still isn't always easy. I try to see the whole thing - the times I'm consistent, the times I'm inconsistent, the times I'm not really writing - as all part of the big creative whole.
That's such a lovely (and healthy) approach. Being gentle with yourself is such a gift, both to yourself and to others in your life. This year, I've made a conscious attempt at treating myself as I would a friend. I'm admittedly not great at it, but I'm working on it. It's good to know there's a chance it could become easier with time!
And, see! You wrote! But more seriously, yes, there have been times in this journey when I had to accept that life's demands, whether internal or external, would not make room for writing. When those are not the case, I do tend to write every day. But that is because I am driven too. Not because I'm "supposed to". And my "writing every day" runs a huge continuum of true productivity. Sometimes my "writing time" washes down the drain of research rabbit hole or the general internet black hole. So, I'm not sure beating ourselves up with "have to" and "must" and "should" is that helpful. I have strong general discipline and time management skills that were developed long ago. They serve me well most of the time. But, I know they also threaten the times when I should be more present in my surroundings, more engaged in my observations and awareness of things even more important than measurable results.
We are complex creatures.
What do you think you could with those "a few things consistently" that would bring you a degree of contentment in your now?
We are indeed complex and often so very hard on ourselves. I love your question. In an email today to a friend, I told her my "drive" to write has waxed and waned over the decades, but that I realize I'm a better person when I write, largely because of the self-reflection it requires, whether I'm writing fiction or nonfiction. So even amidst the anxiety and resistance it produces, writing also brings me great contentment. It's dichotomous... which returns us again, full circle, to those human complexities.
The universe has been repeatedly sending me messages that I've been ignoring. Look up Joan Didion's writing. She has recently appeared everywhere for me, and this is yet again another call to action by the universe. Thanks to this article, I will finally take care of this matter. I got the message, thanks!
Oh, Gina, it’s nice to find another writer who has Joan Didion on her shoulder :-) I like this post because it is so Didion-like in its self-exploration of the cognitive dissonance, especially regarding the fear of letting someone down or of being judged. I think it’s possible to make a commitment to writing without forcing yourself to produce in factory-like fashion. I try to write every day, but I don’t publish stuff on Substack or anywhere else that consistently. I distinguish between private writing practice and what I make public, and I bridle at advice to writers, bloggers et al. that you have to publish consistently to build an audience.
Maybe yes, and maybe no - but that kind of external constraint focuses me, the writer, on what other people want rather than my own goals. What now works for me is slowing down to work through my goals as a writer while still chipping away a little bit on my own most days. Internal consistency may not be possible, but getting myself to tap the mess regularly is what animates me and my writing.
"What now works for me is slowing down to work through my goals as a writer while still chipping away a little bit on my own most days.... getting myself to tap the mess regularly is what animates me and my writing." YEEESSSSS!!! I'm settling on the reality that there's no other way for me to do it and still maintain my joy and satisfaction in the process. It isn't always about an end-goal, and I'm learning that "factory-like" production (I love your term) never works for me either. There's history; all I have to do it look back and see that when I focus on it too much, too often, it can shut me down completely. It's a stranglehold on my creativity.
I think I learned this the hard way, too. There's definite history with all my failed attempts to have a regular writing routine (add to that a regular time to go to bed every night, etc., etc.). The irony is that my professional life is very disciplined, as a writer and editor who makes deadlines, and maybe you've had the same experience, Gina. I don't mind deadlines, but it's taken me awhile to trust the messy process that does bring me joy with the writing I'm most interested in doing now.
For 2024 I want to reread Slouching Towards Bethlehem by Didion. Every year I reread her. Her books don’t change, but I reread them for the same reason people notch their height growing up. Every year I’m a little different, hopefully for the better.
I've had several discussions recently about re-reading certain works that have impacted us and the ways the impact may change with each reading... because WE are different each time we pick them up. And, as you say, hopefully different for the better. I can't get enough of Didion's work. Her words interlace in ways that never cease to astound me.
This is such a relatable read🥹. I struggle almost every time with consistency but it feels different all the time. Some months I’m struggling to post on a particular day at a particular time then I adjust it to just making sure I write something that week. On weeks with high energy I can be a bit more strict with myself and clearing out my space to write more but days where my energy is so low and the days are just too hectic I can’t afford to be my own critic you know? Though sometimes when I tell myself to take it easy there’s this nagging voice that makes it seem like I’m being complacent and what not. It’s a real struggle Gina and I appreciate you for showing us that too. I guess it gets better with time and plus I think there’s a lot of evidence that we’re more consistent than we think we are considering I’ve been posting weekly and you literally posted your work for 30 days straight! I feel we tend to look for a very specific kind of consistency sometimes and forget the evidence we that we have done it before and differently and your consistency today may not be the same as it should be tomorrow.
Lovely reading your work as always!
Thank you for chiming in, Janoma. It is tricky indeed. When you add in cultural expectations about being "productive" + our inclination to compare ourselves to others and some future "ideal" image of ourselves + tendencies to beat ourselves up (for sooooo many things), it gets very messy too. Giving ourselves compassion and grace at all times is critical.
I tend to be a really consistent writer although that ebbs and flows over time with energy, other commitments, health, etc. I try to be gentle with myself when the work isn't coming, which gets easier with time but still isn't always easy. I try to see the whole thing - the times I'm consistent, the times I'm inconsistent, the times I'm not really writing - as all part of the big creative whole.
That's such a lovely (and healthy) approach. Being gentle with yourself is such a gift, both to yourself and to others in your life. This year, I've made a conscious attempt at treating myself as I would a friend. I'm admittedly not great at it, but I'm working on it. It's good to know there's a chance it could become easier with time!
And, see! You wrote! But more seriously, yes, there have been times in this journey when I had to accept that life's demands, whether internal or external, would not make room for writing. When those are not the case, I do tend to write every day. But that is because I am driven too. Not because I'm "supposed to". And my "writing every day" runs a huge continuum of true productivity. Sometimes my "writing time" washes down the drain of research rabbit hole or the general internet black hole. So, I'm not sure beating ourselves up with "have to" and "must" and "should" is that helpful. I have strong general discipline and time management skills that were developed long ago. They serve me well most of the time. But, I know they also threaten the times when I should be more present in my surroundings, more engaged in my observations and awareness of things even more important than measurable results.
We are complex creatures.
What do you think you could with those "a few things consistently" that would bring you a degree of contentment in your now?
We are indeed complex and often so very hard on ourselves. I love your question. In an email today to a friend, I told her my "drive" to write has waxed and waned over the decades, but that I realize I'm a better person when I write, largely because of the self-reflection it requires, whether I'm writing fiction or nonfiction. So even amidst the anxiety and resistance it produces, writing also brings me great contentment. It's dichotomous... which returns us again, full circle, to those human complexities.